No, honestly. He doesn't just hate me - Nigel Havers REALLY hates me. He doesn't know me from a bar of soap, but because I ride a bike he seems to know a lot about my character. And he doesn't like me at all. Because I'm not a Cambridge undergraduate "languidly journeying through the narrow streets of the town with [my] scarves flapping in the wind" or an old maid, as conjured up by George Orwell, "cycling through the mist on [my] way to Communion".
On Tuesday he was given an op-ed slot in London's Daily Mail and he let fly, saying that he's "heartily sick of the lot" of us cyclists.
And why?
Because we're aggressive and arrogant:
Brimming with hostility, utterly indifferent to those around them, they appear to think they are above the law.
Oh yeah, and we're all incurable outlaws who ignore red lights, ride on pavements, and go the wrong way down one-way streets.
Not green, cyan
And we're all mock-greenies, aren't we? I mean, take David Cameron as an example:
The emptiness of cycling's green credentials is beautifully symbolised by Tory leader David Cameron's habit of going to the Commons on two wheels, while his official limousine follows sedately behind, bearing his shoes and briefing papers.
I wasn't aware that David Cameron has ever been held up as an example of good green cycling. Quite the reverse, I would have thought - "breathtaking hypocrisy" are hardly words of overwhelming endorsement.
Talk about a straw-man argument.
Pomposity and selfishness
Pomposity and selfishness runs through everything committed cyclists do.
But of course these aren't traits of the English titled classes, are they The Honorable Mr Havers?
I've got nothing against gays cyclists
I am not against cycling per se. In fact, I used to cycle myself and still possess a bicycle.
Gee, I sure I've heard this sort of argument before, something like: "I am not against homosexuality per se. In fact, the prefects used to bugger me brainless at school and some of my best friends are gay."
But I always made sure that I obeyed the rules of the road.
Oh sure, Nige. And you never use a mobile phone while driving either.
Exhumation
Unlike motorists, who individually pay hundreds, even thousands, of pounds a year in road tax and petrol duty, sustaining the upkeep of the network, cyclists get free use of our streets.
I can't believe he's exhuming this argument yet again. Once and for all Nigel - road tax, petrol tax, car registration, and license fees DO NOT cover the cost of "upkeep of the network". I can forgive you once for being ill-informed, but to keep flogging away at this one shows that you are stupid as well as ignorant.
Inciting stuff
Just as aggravating is the way cyclists treat the pavement as an extension of the road. As I have discovered to my personal cost, if you remonstrate with them, you receive is a volley of abuse.
To remonstrate suggests that ol' Nige may not have been exactly "genteel" himself.
At such moments, I have longed to have a stick to jam between the spokes of their wheels and bring them to a deservedly painful halt.
Oh nice one! Even if his high-pitched carping were justified, inciting violence is not really the answer. What was that again about "Gentility and modesty have been replaced by aggression and arrogance"? (Pot, meet kettle.)
Or how about endorsing the vandalisation of bicycles:
Once, at the National Theatre, I had to share a dressing room with another actor who insisted on bringing in his bicycle.
The space was already cramped enough, and there was a perfectly good cycle rack outside. But this tiresome creature had to wheel in his machine every day, claiming it would not be safe anywhere else. As I struggled to get ready, I often felt like putting a knife through the tyres.
Oh the irony. Sounds like this bloke's bike was barely safe inside either.
Above the law?
So many of them refuse to put lights on their bikes, again implying that they are above the law
Ah, no. Not above the law - just stupid. And in the end, only threatening their own health and safety.
The good ol' days
When a cyclist bangs on the roof of my car or scrapes my mirror without even bothering to apolo-gise, I sometimes wish for the good old days of Edwardian England, when young men would be sent to jail for swearing in the streets, causing a danger to the public or cycling without a light.
It was probably a calmer, saner world then, not one when you feared for a broken limb every time a two-wheeled monster came into view.
And while we're at it, let's bring back public floggings.
Cycling has-been?
Cyclists have certainly changed in recent years. They think the rest of us are idiots and that they are the gods of the road.
I wonder how long it's been since bike has-been Nigel has got about on the bicycle that he still owns? Maybe he should reacquaint himself with his two-wheeler before he presumes to unload his bilge again - I, for one, have never ever felt like a "god of the road" when driving in traffic.
And I certainly don't think all non-cyclists are idiots. But I'll make a special exception for Nigel.
[via Bike Biz]
Yes, it's funny how people who have something against cyclists all seem to be reading from the same song sheet…
i have to agree with Nigel, i have had so may problems with fellow cyclists, whom have shouted and sworn at me.
I am a cyclist and Paedestrian! not a car driver.
I also witnessed a half cut cyclist, who scratched a RR wedding car and swore at the driver. The car was Stationary in an assigned parking spot out side the registry office on a Saturday Morning!
Sorry but bikers you've got to get that Holier than thou out of your voices!
When any group of people reaches a certain size, there will always be dickheads and cretins among the numbers. This doesn't mean that everyone in that group is a dickhead or a cretin. And that's the nub of my objection to Nigel Havers' views: he sees bad behaviour in some riders and then lumps all cyclists in together. That defies logic. Take this segment from his rant for example:
Normal rules about red lights, pavements and one-way streets are treated as a matter of supreme indifference by this new army of Lycra-clad maniacs, whose every action demonstrates their contempt for pedestrians and motorists.
I am heartily sick of the lot of them.
A cyclist's every action demonstrates their contempt for others? That's a big call.
Although I don't ride in London, I know some cyclists who do, and do so carefully and lawfully. kimbofo is a safety-conscious rider who sometimes bemoans the lack of discipline in other London cyclists. Does her every action demonstrate her contempt for motorists and pedestrians?
And Havers is "heartily sick" of the lot of us cyclists—that's a bit all-inclusive, isn't it? It doesn't leave much room for the good guys who scrupulously do the right thing. Nope, cyclist=maniac in Nigel's mind.
Let's turn it around 180°: daily on the road it is also possible to witness drivers and pedestrians doing reckless, stupid and selfish things. Nowhere in the media does anyone lambast all drivers or all pedestrians based on their subjective observation that some of those people do the wrong thing.
It's not about a holier-than-thou attitude (although Havers certainly doesn't mind a bit of sermonising himself), it's about being fair and reasonable.
And don't get me started on the various ways that Havers suggests violence can be done to cyclists.
Comments
Has he been talking to Ms Devine by any chance??