I barely look at it normally. And as last week’s edition was subtitled “The fashion issue”, my attention was even less piqued than usual. But somehow I found my way to the centre page where there was another supplement (yes, a supplement to the supplement) called activecity, which promised:

Swim, sail, ride, run…

Your guide to making the most of Melbourne’s great outdoors

Hmm, sounds OK—let’s try inside:

Early autumn is the best time of year in Melbourne to get out and about and enjoy the outdoors.

Yeah, that’s right on the money! So, what does it say about cycling?

Well, it appears that la dolce vita has caught up with The Age’s food critic, John Lethlean, so in an effort to live past 50 he’s joined the ranks of the Beach Road roadies. And good on him. But his article presents a picture of cycling that I barely recognise, where in post-ride cafés:

…caffeine and endorphins lead you into very sacred territory: pure male bonding over a shared mountain, climbed.

Phew! Smell the testosterone!

[And forgive me if I snigger derisively at "mountain, climbed"—on Beach Road? Snort!]

And how about this quote from David Ollie (producer of Sooty Park)?

Schumacher’s Ferrari may or may not be priceless, but it is definitely unavailable…Anyone can buy an almost detail replica of Lance Armstrong’s Tour de France-winning steed and arrive at the coffee shop with an air of complete nonchalance.

What—the—hell?

Small wonder the Beach Road crowd are often accused (unfairly, I presume) of being a bunch of poseurs and wankers.

I have some difficulty expressing my ambivalence about this sort of coverage. On the one hand, I’m really pleased that cycling is getting some positive press these days. Conversely, I’m acutely aware that it bears little resemblance to cycling as I (and many others) know it.

I don’t question that cashed-up, baby-boom vintage, born-again roadies are legitimate cyclists. And they certainly have my admiration—even with years on my side, I know I wouldn’t be able to keep up with many of them.

But they don’t represent the only legitimate form of cycling. And this presents a source of confusion for people who might be interested in trying cycling. So to clarify a few issues for anyone who might be thinking about taking up (or returning to) cycling:

• no, you don’t have to squeeze into tight lycra
• no, you don’t have to do 60km before you can stop for coffee

Stop and drink coffee whenever you like

• no, you don’t have to spend $4000 on a bike (and you certainly don’t need to spend $8000!)
• no, you don’t have to have all those toys-for-boys gadgets and accessories
• no, you don’t need “an almost detail replica of Lance Armstrong’s Tour de France-winning steed”
• no, you don’t have to engage in male-bonding and one-upmanship

Sure, you can do these things—but they are optional.

All you really need to do is…ride your bike.