Imagine you’re approaching this stretch of road at about 40kph—actually quite easy to do, as you’ve just come off a steeper downhill section, so it’s not unusual for anyone to be coasting along at a fair clip here. Notice any particular hazards at this point?

Could you spot the hazard here at 40kph?

Let’s go in a bit closer:

If you hit this, where will you land?

Yep, that’s a base of one of those flexi-poles that I didn’t much like when they were installed last year. A number of these poles have been bent and a couple have snapped off, leaving the near-invisible base as a collision hazard for cyclists. And if a cyclist gets tipped off after crashing with that, where are they going to land…?

That this has been broken for weeks (and possibly months) without repair reflects poorly on the City of Melbourne’s willingness and/or ability to maintain dedicated cycling facilities. Not good when these lanes carry 17% of total vehicles in the morning peak on Albert St.

Upgrated

In fairness, it’s not all downside. Both of you might remember this dangerous drain cover:

An unforgiving grate

Astonishingly, that wheel-jamming hazard was simply left there unmodified as part of the initial installation. Well, over a year later, it’s had an upgrade:

A grate upgraded

That’s an improvement, but really that should have been fixed in the first place.

Any good at all?

Having sworn off Albert St in favour of Victoria St, I have found myself back there a bit more often, in spite of my ongoing concerns including:

• increased likelihood of clashes with entering traffic on the eastbound/downhill lane,
• turning lane conflicts—being dumped into a turning lane is still dangerous by design,
• the increased difficulty in merging into the main traffic flow to make a right-hand turn, and
• those damn poles are still a collision hazard (even when they aren’t broken).

I’ve also noticed a tendency for cars to stop in (and block) the bike lane during clearway times, something that drivers wouldn’t have dreamt of doing before the bike lanes were there.

But if I’m back on Albert St, does that mean I’m a convert? No way: I remain a committed bike lane agnostic. Maybe Albert St is better with curbside lanes than without, but for me it is just the least worst option on that part of my commute route.

But today’s incident was so laughable, so rich in irony, I only regret that I didn’t have a video camera to share it with you.

First I need to explain a little about the road where it happened: heading north-to-south on Elzabeth St in North Melbourne there are two traffic lanes, and just before the Victoria St intersection the left lane splits into two left-turn lanes and the right-hand lane continues as the single through traffic lane (there is actually a second through traffic lane, but it’s separated by a traffic island). See this section of Google Maps to get the idea (note: left-hand rule of the road, if you’re not from around here).

I was riding a Bike Share blue bike and, as the traffic was pretty light, I was sure that I’d be of no inconvenience taking the inside lane while faster moving vehicles passed on the outside.

Apparently not.

My man came up behind honking and carrying on. I really couldn’t work out his problem—why didn’t he just go around? I was going straight ahead at Victoria St, so I changed over to the right-hand lane without a problem—why couldn’t he do the same?

He pulled up beside me at the traffic light, me in the right hand (through traffic) lane, he in the second left-hand turn lane. His window was down. Here we go…

Driver: What do you think you’re doing, holding up the traffic?

Me: [never believing I'd actually say this] Mate, I am traffic.

Driver: Well, what’s the bike lane for?

Me: [pointing out the obvious] Where is the bike lane here?

Driver: Well, ride on the footpath. [AKA sidewalk, if you're not from around here]

Me: It’s illegal for an adult to ride on the footpath.

I was in the middle of suggesting that if he was so ignorant of the road rules perhaps he should hand-in his license, when the the green turning arrow appeared and his line of traffic started moving, and he along with it. But then he pulled up at the intersection, even though the green arrow was still showing—thus holding up the row of traffic behind him!

I was already hooting with laughter and pouring derision on his driving ‘skill’ when the left turn light went red, the through traffic light changed to green and he leapt away from the line like a startled rabbit—going straight ahead. Yep, it turns out that he should have been in the right-hand, through traffic lane all the time—where he would have been if he’d just pulled his head in and gone around me in the first place.

Astonishing ignorance and stupidity, and he had the gall to abuse me for operating my vehicle completely legally and safely.

How then could I resist, a little further down the road, from ringing my bell and giving him a cheerful wave as I breezed past his car, stationary in a line of traffic? I mean, I was riding in the bike lane—just as he’d instructed me to.

Many people embarking on their first long ride seem to be motivated by an upcoming “event”, be it a big one like Around the Bay in a Day or Sydney to the Gong, or (as in my case) an Audax club ride. The common thread here is riding for enjoyment and sense of achievement rather than racing.

Regardless of the target distance, almost everyone wonders how best to prepare for their first long ride, so here I offer three tips from experts.

Eddy Merckx: “Ride lots.”

If the distance of your regular weekly rides (e.g. to/from work) totals to about your target distance, then I reckon you probably have the leg fitness to ride it in one day. If your weekly mileage is a bit short, start gradually extending the distances and/or try a few other ways to improve your cycling fitness.

Even if your mileage is OK, there’s also the question of bum-saddle familiarity, so it wouldn’t hurt to test your on-bike comfort by building up to rides close to your target distance as the event approaches.

So, tip 1: Ride lots.

Baden-Powell of Gilwell: “Be prepared”

You don’t want any surprises on the day of the event—everything should be tried and tested on your preparation rides: all food, all drink, all clothing, all gear. Nothing should be new or specially added or changed for the big day.

Also, make sure your bike is in good condition. If necessary, book it in at your local bike shop in the week before the event. But take it for one or two rides after its maintenance check—even with the best care, sometimes things need readjusting.

Prepare your own abilities too. At the very least, know how to carry out the most fundamental of repairs: fixing a puncture. Do a test run on the bike you’ll be riding, and carry the tools and parts (e.g. spare inner tube) necessary to carry out basic field repairs.

Tip 2: Be prepared.

Velocio: “Eat before you are hungry, drink before you are thirsty.”

On the day of The Ride, take it easy and enjoy yourself. Concentrate on chugging along at your own pace, keeping up your supply of food and drink, and having fun.

In big events there are always people who will treat it as a race. Don’t join in, no matter how tempting. Look for people riding at about your cruising pace and stick with them. If you’re with a bunch of like-minded friends, so much the better. It’s not really necessary (or even safe in large public events) to ride in tight formation, just ride together for the company and mutual support.

Take breaks when you need to but keep them brief: while you’re kicking back in the cafe enjoying your double decaf soy chai latte and death-by-chocolate cake, your muscles will be cooling.

Tip 3: Follow Velocio’s Seven Commandments for the Wise Cyclist.

So, ride lots, be prepared, and enjoy that first long ride and it won’t be your last. And before you know it, you’ll soon be ready for another (even longer) long ride.

Keef Sloan’s remarks about red light jumping puts me in mind of a comment I saw in an online debate on that topic a few years back. I can’t find the original to quote but it went something like, cyclists are not going to benefit in a society where road users pick-and-choose which road rules they are going to obey. To my mind, that’s the end of the red light jumping debate.

A follow-on from this is hinted at in Dr-Chars’s comments about inexperienced cyclists being a problem. I’d say that inexperience per se is not the issue—we’re none of us born with experience or street smarts. Rather the problem is when risk-taking/confidence/coolness exceeds ability. As bikesnobnyc put it:

These days, aggressive urban riding is in vogue, and I attribute this to the spate of fixed-gear movies featuring people riding in traffic (such as MASH, Macaframa, and the upcoming Empire). It is now de rigeur to weave heedlessly through traffic, and apparently it is a forfeiture of your masculinity to stop at a red light under any circumstances. (Though apparently you can salvage a bit of it by at least doing a trackstand at the light.)

Unfortunately, while many of these riders have the look down they don’t have the ability to match. Lately, I’ve been getting stuck behind riders who have misjudged the distance between cars and been forced to stop. (It’s a sad sight, really–like watching a cat get its head caught in a shoe or something.) I’ve also been finding myself literally being circled at red lights, since the people who can’t trackstand just ride around and around instead. (Imagine being circled by a shark, but the shark’s riding a Pista, wearing a u-lock holster, and looks mildly afraid instead of coolly detached.)

When it’s a minority of commuter cyclists who fail to stop at red lights (in Melbourne at least) yet somehow red light jumping gets seen as the norm, then less experienced cyclists may follow suit because they have the misapprehension that this is how ‘serious’ cyclists behave. Sure, people need to take responsibility for their own actions, but let’s not underestimate the power of the schoolyard which reaches out across the years (or decades, for some of us) driving on supposedly intelligent and responsible adults to do stupid things in order that they will be seen as ‘Cool’ or ‘Hardcore’ or ‘Serious’ by some random in the street, just as if they were a gormless fourteen year old. And I’m not just talking about men here either.

As for me, I’m happy to comply with traffic lights and scrupulously wait for crossing indicators—if I’m to be damned and abused at least it will be for doing the right thing (yes, the moral high ground can be a pretty comfy place to sit). And like Dave Moulton and woowoowoo I’ve become more “patient and forgiving to other road users”, experience having taught me two things: how to foresee and avoid a lot of trouble on the road, and that no-one will thank you for correcting them (less so if your advice is shouted and punctuated with abuse). And the result is that I get a breather when I’m stopped at traffic lights and overall I enjoy my riding more.