Before I go on, I should point out that I don't often write about negative interactions with drivers, partly because I don't really have that many (it must be that look of psychopathic menace that I've been working on) and partly because I've long since developed the ability to shrug off other people's attitude problems and try to keep things in perspective. And there are so many other great things about cycling that I'd much rather discuss.
But today's incident was so laughable, so rich in irony, I only regret that I didn't have a video camera to share it with you.
First I need to explain a little about the road where it happened: heading north-to-south on Elzabeth St in North Melbourne there are two traffic lanes, and just before the Victoria St intersection the left lane splits into two left-turn lanes and the right-hand lane continues as the single through traffic lane (there is actually a second through traffic lane, but it's separated by a traffic island). See this section of Google Maps to get the idea (note: left-hand rule of the road, if you're not from around here).
I was riding a Bike Share blue bike and, as the traffic was pretty light, I was sure that I'd be of no inconvenience taking the inside lane while faster moving vehicles passed on the outside.
Apparently not.
My man came up behind honking and carrying on. I really couldn't work out his problem—why didn't he just go around? I was going straight ahead at Victoria St, so I changed over to the right-hand lane without a problem—why couldn't he do the same?
He pulled up beside me at the traffic light, me in the right hand (through traffic) lane, he in the second left-hand turn lane. His window was down. Here we go…
Driver: What do you think you're doing, holding up the traffic?
Me: [never believing I'd actually say this] Mate, I am traffic.
Driver: Well, what's the bike lane for?
Me: [pointing out the obvious] Where is the bike lane here?
Driver: Well, ride on the footpath. [AKA sidewalk, if you're not from around here]
Me: It's illegal for an adult to ride on the footpath.
I was in the middle of suggesting that if he was so ignorant of the road rules perhaps he should hand-in his license, when the the green turning arrow appeared and his line of traffic started moving, and he along with it. But then he pulled up at the intersection, even though the green arrow was still showing—thus holding up the row of traffic behind him!
I was already hooting with laughter and pouring derision on his driving 'skill' when the left turn light went red, the through traffic light changed to green and he leapt away from the line like a startled rabbit—going straight ahead. Yep, it turns out that he should have been in the right-hand, through traffic lane all the time—where he would have been if he'd just pulled his head in and gone around me in the first place.
Astonishing ignorance and stupidity, and he had the gall to abuse me for operating my vehicle completely legally and safely.
How then could I resist, a little further down the road, from ringing my bell and giving him a cheerful wave as I breezed past his car, stationary in a line of traffic? I mean, I was riding in the bike lane—just as he'd instructed me to.
I'd like to comment, but really my brain is too busy imploding with the stupidity of this twit to have anything sensible to say. When people talk about licensing cyclists, you can point to incidents like this as evidence for the fact that licencing drivers has, to say the least, let a few through the cracks.
I keep meaning to buy a helmetcam because one of these days I am going to have an encounter that will make an video record.
Just like your encounter...
Riding a bike on the road certainly provides regular entertainment.
@Chromatic Dramatic Yeah, I'm pretty sure that more than once I've been the subject of someone else's "can you believe those bloody cyclists?" anecdote. Sometimes it might be a question of perspective, but in this case, the driver was just a plain dickhead.
@Dan Yep, I don't think anyone have ever mistaken a driving test for an IQ test.
@Dave If I actually had a helmet cam I might not have taken it with me for a quick spin down to the shops. So this is a good reminder that when I do get one to always take it with me—you never know when you'll witness gold like this.
Comments
The thing is though... he would not see any of the irony, in the situation. You will forever be an annoying cyclist.
It is ok for them (ie d|ckhead drivers) to inconvenience others, but as soon as you inconvenience them, hell hath no wrath...