The shy-and-retiring AFL footballer Jason Akermanis fancies himself a future politician, according to his column in the Courier-Mail today…

Politics was always this thing I’d thought about but never told anyone – it was always something I thought I’d like to get involved in after footy.

Given that he doesn’t seem to have a long-term future in Leigh Matthews’ squad and (at age 29) he’s approaching the end of his playing days, it’s not really surprising that he’s casting around for something to keep himself in the public eye.

But politics? With his notorious inability to keep his trap shut, what party would want him? Then again, I guess they’re always in need of a talkative backbencher when something needs to be “leaked” to the press.

I’ve always found there’s something quite noble in politics because you can make decisions that can help people.

Come again? “Noble”? <Guffaw!> When was the last time your regarded any politician of any political stripe as “having or showing qualities of high moral character, such as courage, generosity, or honor”? OK, maybe there are one or two but there’s nothing noble about the game of politics itself.

But if you let a blabbermouth talk for long enough, something coherent will eventually fall out by sheer chance. For instance, among the jumble of potential policies for the nascent Akermanis party we find:

As a local member things such as the construction of more bicycle ways would be something I’d promote because I believe bike riding as an exercise is a wonderful thing for an increasingly overweight population.

And with one statement he begins to redeem himself for a decade of public idiocy.

Good luck in the parliament, Akermanis MP.

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